9781311650573_

If you cheated in your relationship, this book could be the best gift youve ever given yourselfand your hurting partner. Infidelity doesnt have to mean the end of your relationship, if you can learn to understand why you cheated in the first place and how to keep it from happening again. Using the affair recovery strategy offered in I Cheated, you and your partner can move from trauma to empathy, recovering the friendship and passion that brought you together in the first place.

Clinical Psychologist and Affair Recovery Specialist, Dr. Savannah Ellis looks at the myths of infidelity and the mistakes couples make post-affair, then provides exercises and templates so that you and your partner can become proactive in understanding and rebooting your relationship.

The help offered to struggling couples in this book is based on the authors two decades of experience researching infidelity and counseling thousands of couples, feedback from couples coaches she has trained, the latest scientific findings in neurobiology, and research from other leaders in the field of infidelity and affair recovery.

If you have cheated on your spouse or have thought about it, you need to read this book first.

Expanded Contents:
CONTENTS
PREFACE
INTRODUCTION
Housekeeping
RECOVERY MYTHS AND MISTAKES
Myths
Mistakes
The 20 Most Common Mistakes:
CLASSIFYING YOUR AFFAIR TYPE
Type 1: Accidental Affair
Type 2: Avoidance Affair Type
Type 3: Philanderer Affair
Type 4: Entitlement Affair
Type 5: Split Self Affair
Type 6: Exit Affair
Type 7: Sexual Addiction Affair
Emotional affairs
Financial Infidelity
Affair Type Quiz
Relationship Recovery Advice
The Conflict Avoidance Affair
The Intimacy Avoidance Affair
The Sexual Addiction Affair
The Split-Self Affair
The Exit Affair
The Entitlement Affair
The Philanderer
The Accidental Affair
UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER
Stages Of Recovery From The Trauma Of Infidelity
How To Get Closer To Your Partner
Handling Your Partners Rejection
My Partner
Handling Your Partners Anger
UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF
Attachment Styles
How do you connect?
The Secure Connector
The Anxious Connector
The Avoidant
The Fearful Connector
My Attachment Style
Common Coping Styles and Patterns
Coping Style
Love or Addiction
Friendship
THE APOLOGY
Part A
Taking Responsibility For Your Actions
Explain The Whys
Be honest.
Partners May Ask For Details
The Apology Letter
Elements To An Apology Letter
Part B
RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION
Rules For Fair Fighting
Action:
How to Handle Conflict Effectively
Communication Patterns Between Couples
REBOOTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
The Love Bank
Love Busters
Questionnaire
Emotional Needs
Ranking of Your Emotional Needs
Action:
SEX AND INTIMACY
Types of Intimacy
Rebooting Your Sex Life Choose a Plan
PLAN A You Do Not Want Sex
PLAN B For Couples Desiring Sex
Foreplay Map Exercises
Intimacy Tips
Sex Addiction?
RESTORING TRUST
The Five Forms Of Trust In A Relationship
Creating Transparency
Building Transparency Through Confessions
RENEW YOUR RELATIONSHIP CONTRACT
Preparing to Write Your Relationship Contract
Sample Contract Guide
PREVENTION
Seven Facts You Need To Know About Infidelity
What You Need To Know About Love
Seven Tips for Preventing Infidelity
Commitment
How to Stay Committed in Your Relationship
CONCLUSION
What Makes a Great Relationship?
APPENDIX
Protecting Your Children from the Fallout
RESOURCES
Infidelity, Addiction, and the Internet
Love and Intimacy
Sex
Divorce
Understanding Yourself
Web Sites
Support Groups
References
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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